Reflecting on 2016

Monday, January 9, 2017

This is the first blog I've written from my new, cozy one bedroom San Francisco apartment. My partner and I combined our material lives three weeks ago and I could not be more ecstatic! One year ago I had not even met this man and today the person I've only dreamed of is finally by my side. How did I get here?

Everyone keeps hating on 2016 but it's time to slow down and absorb the amazing personal wins that occurred last year. I challenge you to think back to one year ago and see how far you've come.  What has changed? What hasn't? Are you happy with that? Although the past is gone, I believe it is still important to reflect on the previous year so that we can learn from history and set purposeful intentions for the year to come. 

I encourage you to get a journal and try this exercise. Write down where you were a year ago, even further back if you'd like. What were you thinking, who were you dating, how were you feeling, how much money were you making? Were you happy? Were you miserable? Do you have any recollection at all? Compare that to today. If nothing has changed, maybe that is great! Or maybe not so much? NOW is the time to set new goals and intentions to evolve out of stagnant patterns and form new ones!

Last January I felt stuck in a career that had run its course, and I was entangled in insincere relationships because I was so ready for something real. Although it was a great job and the men had their moments, I wasn't living a life that embodied my truest values and desires.  I was sick of doubting myself and for the first time in my 26 years I was confidently ready to find my purpose and my partner.

It happened very quickly; I had just returned from a three week solo adventure in Central America and was inspired about the year to come. I ended an on and off yet serious fling because I knew it wasn't right, and almost instantly I met my babe. The timing could not have been more perfect. I have learned that sometimes letting go is exactly what you need in order to create space for something even better. It was exactly how I had always dreamed it would be, yet my previous experiences planted seeds of doubt that this sort of love existed. Our first date was magic and the sparks have not stopped flying since. I could go on and on about our love but that's not my purpose today. What I will say is that if you are single or in a mediocre relationship, NEVER SETTLE. I was in love with four men before I met my soulmate and I could have easily stayed with any of them. Love is love; it is beautiful and addicting, comforting and agonizing, but there is so much more to a relationship then love. Values are so so important!!! As well as spirituality, lifestyle, family connections, aspirations...etc. Never settle.

I also quit my six figure salary sales job last May after months and months and months of internal and external debate. The craziest part was that I didn't have a job lined up because I could not bare the thought of working another 9-5. I used to love the grind, but over time it began depleting my energy. All I knew was what my gut instinct urged, which was that I needed to at least try and pursue my (secret) life long dream of singing.  So I took the leap, put in my two weeks notice and dove into the unknown.

One week later after my much anticipated declaration of freedom, I survived a 65mph car collision with a utility pole. I have some gnarly scars and even scarier stories to prove it, but the bottom line is that I am alive to share those stories with you. Yes, thank fucking Universe I am ALIVE with limbs intact! What a freaking miracle. The seatbelt saved my life that day, but in the process shattered my pelvis and ripped up my insides. If that seatbelt malfunctioned or if I hadn't been wearing it at all, I would have most likely snapped my neck on the roof of the car and died instantly. Even with the seatbelt on I endured six weeks of hospital stay, four of those on BEDREST! Have you ever laid in a bed for a month? I was unable to go to the bathroom, shower, lift up a leg or itch a scratch. What a fucking nightmare. (I cannot thank my boyfriend and family enough for helping me to do all of those things and so much more. You saved me!) The second half of 2016 revolved around staying alive, learning to walk, and rebuilding the bottom half of my body from scratch.  

My rehabilitation has been overwhelming; Even before the accident I was extremely introspective and obsessed with health and wellbeing. For the first time I couldn't fix my ailments with natural remedies let alone heal on my own.  I needed not only the help of Western medicine, but I was reliant on other humans to take care of me. The helplessness in those first few months was suffocating, but I have learned the value and necessity of allowing yourself to receive without fight or question in every day life. 

I am still healing from the physical and emotional trauma and (un)patiently discovering this new body of mine. It has been seven months of doctors, therapies, tests, ups, downs, and everything in between. After a brief seven month detour.. I am finally ready to pick up where I left off, embracing down a new path with a new body and it feels perfect to me that I can begin again with a fresh new year. 

I started this year off by moving into an amazing apartment with the love of my life. It has been a combination of dreaming big and working hard to transform what once were dreams into my current reality, so it is possible for everyone! As long as you make sure that you are consistently working towards achieving your goals.

The first step is gratitude. Be grateful for what you have, if you survived 2016, then it was a good year! This will forever be the year that I met my soulmate and survived near death, so although a certain someone in power may be fking with your emotions, don't let politics control your mindset. Be strong, be grateful, and keep dreaming. Here's to another year of life!